To myself I turn
by Charliefox2012
Summary: Used to be: In another life/Duncan Morgendorffer just lost the love of his life. At the same time, Daria Morgendorffer is losing her best friend… Alternate universe/history. Het and femslash.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one 

**Duncan Morgendorffer**

"I don't know how you could do this to me," Duncan Morgendorffer said miserably, sitting on his living room couch. "Haven't I been good to you?" he asked the love of his life.

Sandi Griffin sighed irritated, "Well, yeah. But he has money. I mean, he-llo, he's a Sloane."

Duncan shook his head. "I know you can be coldhearted, Sandi, but this is low, even for you. Really? Money is what does it for you now?" Duncan said in disbelief, "And more so, how can he do that to Janey?"

Sandi scoffed, "Come on. Jane isn't up to his standards. He's obviously found something better," she smirked.

"Shut up, about Janey! And I would hardly say you're better. Janey wouldn't choose to date someone because of how much is in his wallet. She didn't choose Tom because he was rich," Duncan said angrily.

"Whatever. I mean, he and Jane were having problems anyway and so were we," Sandi said casually.

"We were not. Sandi I love you," Duncan said desperately.

"Oh, Duncan, don't get pathetic," Sandi sighed, "Its better this way."

He looked up and glared at her, "Yeah. For you _and him_."

"Whatever. Just know that it's over," Sandi said impatiently and walked to the front door, "It's was fun," she said before she exited the house.

Duncan scoffed, "Fun. Right," he said getting up and walking to the door. He looked out the window and saw Sandi getting into her car.

He opened the door, "You are evil, Sandi!" he shouted angrily.

Sandi simply waved at him and drove off.

"Go to hell!" Duncan shouted and went back into his house, slamming the door, "Damn," he said softly.

Duncan sat on the couch again, feeling like he was going to cry. He inhaled deeply and exhaled.

He was not going to cry over Sandi Griffin. She wasn't worth it no matter how much she meant to him.

He knew she could be mean. He knew she was evil, but he loved her. When she wanted to be, Sandi could be the sweetest thing ever. Sandi was perfect for him and now she was gone.

"Damn Tom too," he said and reached for the phone.

Duncan contemplated calling Jane. He hesitated. He wasn't sure if he really wanted to be the one to alert her to what Tom and Sandi had done.

He sighed and put the phone down. He'd let Jane come to him, and then they could pick up the pieces together.

Duncan walked upstairs to his room. He entered it and sat at his desk. He turned on his computer. He needed to write, to get this horror out of his system before it threatened to consume him.

He needed to be strong. He was not going to let this get to him. Besides, he would need to be strong for his best friend, when she called.

He still couldn't believe this was happening to him.

Duncan opened a file titled 'Journal' and scrolled to the bottom. He started to type:

_June 20__th__, 1999_

_Today sucks! The love of my life, the evil, Sandi Griffin, finally decided that I wasn't good enough for her. I know I should have seen this coming. Janey told me often that Sandi was superficial and that she didn't have a heart to use for falling in love. Her chest was as empty as her head, Janey said often, (not referring to her bust of course. I had no complaints there). I didn't think so though. Sandi was great. She was fun, true, a bit superficial and high-maintenance, but I believed Sandi when she said she loved me. I believed I had a future with her, but I am a fool. I would have expected Jane to tell me 'I told you so' once I told her about this incident, except its Janey's boyfriend, Tom Sloane, that my Sandi is leaving me for. I can't believe he would do that to Janey and me. He was a cool guy. I thought we were friends and he seemed genuine with Janey, but I guess he was enchanted by Sandi as I had been. Janey and I did not see this coming!_

_It doesn't matter about me. It's Janey that I'm worried about. She really seemed to love Tom. I'm going to kick his a** once I see him. I know Jane'll kill Sandi for me, but stupidly, I'll stop her._

Duncan stopped typing. He saved his work and closed the file.

He sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair. He looked at a picture of him and Sandi. They were at a beach party. She had her arms around him and they were both smiling. She looked good in her bikini.

Duncan picked it up. They had been happy once.

_She had to have loved me_, Duncan thought, and then scowled.

"B***h," he said and threw the picture in the wastebasket.

He walked over to his bed and lay down. He removed his glasses, placed them on the bedside table, and looked at his, blurry, ceiling sorrowfully.

He let the sadness envelop him. He knew he couldn't fight it forever. He loved the coldhearted girl and he was going to miss her deeply.

"I wish this wasn't my life," Duncan muttered and turned on his side and drifted off to sleep, hoping when he woke, this would have just been a nightmare.

**

* * *

****Daria Morgendorffer**

"So, what happens now?" Daria Morgendorffer asked.

"I was hoping _you_ knew," Jane said honestly.

Daria didn't though. "Are we still friends?" she asked.

Jane didn't answer.

"_Are we_?" Daria asked again, worried.

Jane sighed and nodded. "Yeah. We're the kind of friends who can't stand the sight of each other," she said wearily.

"Temporarily, right?" Daria asked.

"I hope so, Daria. I'll see you," Jane said somberly and headed for the front door of the Morgendorffer house.

"Right," Daria said glumly.

Jane opened the door and exited. Daria got up and went to lock the door.

Daria felt horrible. She didn't know what was going to happen to she and Jane, but the prospects didn't look too good.

"Dammit," Daria said and walked up to her room.

She sat at her desk and turned on her computer. She opened a file labeled 'Journal' and scrolled to the bottom. Daria stared at the blank space, unsure of what to write. She hadn't written in a few days; she had been too preoccupied with the things that were going on.

She thought about the last few days and started typing:

_June 20__th__, 1999._

_I can't believe this is really happening! There's no way this could be happening! It's all Tom's fault! Well, maybe not entirely his fault, I mean if I'm feeling like this, I had to have some part in this. Even so, I didn't mean to hurt Jane, my best friend, my only friend. How could I have been so stupid? Yesterday, I kissed her boyfriend, Tom Sloane. I didn't mean for it to happen; I don't think I did. It's true she and Tom were having problems and they seemed like they were close to breaking up, but…no! It still wasn't right. Tom was still with Jane and I don't even know how I can justify the kiss. Now I'm losing my best friend. How could I even think of risking my friendship with Jane just for some stupid guy? What do I do now? All I feel at the moment is hurt and fear. I don't want to lose Jane, but I still like Tom. Jane said I could go out with him, although, she looked less then thrilled with that idea. I can't do that to her, but…I'm just so confused. Why did she even need to get a boyfriend? We were more then fine when it was just us. Tom just ruined things. No. I ruined things. I have to take responsibility for my part in this mess. Tom…I'll deal with later. I don't know how yet, but…somehow, I know what I want. Jane'll hate me._

Daria finished typing, saved her work, and closed the file. She turned off the computer and stared at the blank screen.

"What am I doing?" she whispered, tears brimming her eyes.

Daria removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. She felt exhausted.

She walked over to her bed and lay down. She looked at the ceiling. She felt so lost and unsure.

Daria placed her glasses on her bedside table and lay on her side.

"I wish this wasn't my life," Daria said miserably and drifted off into a troubled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two 

**Duncan Morgendorffer**

Duncan groaned when his alarm sounded. He ignored it for a moment. His eyes were still closed, but he still saw light. There was too much light, he realized.

He sat up abruptly, grabbed his glasses and put them on. He looked at the clock; it was seven-ten.

"Oh hell, coach is going to kill me!" Duncan said groggily, hopping out of bed and rushing to the bathroom.

He stood in front of the toilet, reached into his pants, and found nothing.

Duncan looked down alarmed. He also noticed that he was wearing a black pleated skirt instead of his usual jeans.

"OH, WHAT THE HELL!?" he shouted and noticed his voice was a lot higher than normal.

He looked in the mirror and was startled. He was sure he was losing his mind now.

His reflection was of a plain looking girl with shoulder-length auburn hair. She looked like she could have been his twin sister. She wore glasses, but her glasses were thick rimmed compared to his usual wire rimmed.

"OH, MY GOD!" Duncan yelled, unsure of what to do.

"Daria, why are you shouting?" Jake inquired on the other side of the closed door.

Duncan opened the door.

"Dad, something's wrong," Duncan said nearly hysterical.

"Is it a woman thing, 'cause I think you should wait 'til your mother is around, or ask your sister," Jake said uneasily.

"Well, yeah. It kind of is, but that's the problem. Dad, I'm a girl!" Duncan said flustered.

Jake gave her a concerned look, "Honey, um, maybe I should call a doctor or something."

"And do what? How can a doctor fix this?" Duncan said distressed as he looked in the mirror. The girl was still looking at him.

"Daria…" Jake started.

"I'm not Daria," Duncan said firmly, "I'm Duncan, dad. You know, your son."

"Honey, I have two daughters. You don't have a brother," Jake said.

"Two…? Quinn!" Duncan said and rushed to Quinn's room. He banged on the door, "Quinn!"

After a few moments, a bleary eyed and disheveled Quinn opened the door.

"What?" Quinn snapped looking at Daria and Jake.

"Quinn, tell dad that I'm Duncan. That I'm your brother," he said hurriedly.

Quinn looked at Daria confused and then to Jake, "Well, dad. It's finally happened. Daria's lost her mind," she said and walked back into her room, slamming the door.

"Dammit, Quinn! It's me!" Duncan cried, slamming his fist on the door.

"Daria, let's go downstairs and I'll call you mother," Jake said gently, placing a hand on Daria's shoulder.

Duncan shrugged it off. "I'm not Daria, and I'm not crazy," he said frustrated.

"Okay, ah, uh_, Duncan_," Jake said, "Let's just call your mother."

Duncan gave up and nodded. He followed Jake downstairs.

Duncan sat on the couch while Jake went into the kitchen.

_What the hell is going on? I'm not this girl, Daria, _Duncan thought confused and feeling scared.

Jake came back into the living room.

"Your mother is coming home. She'll take you to the doctor," Jake explained.

"Dad, it's me," Duncan said wearily, "I'm Duncan, your son."

Jake looked her searchingly. "Honey, you'll be all right. I promise," he said and sat with Daria on the couch.

"Whatever. I have to go use the bathroom," Duncan said and worried about how to go about that. This wasn't his body and he felt wrong using it.

* * *

Half an hour later, Helen returned.

"Jake!?" Helen called sounding worried.

"Kitchen," Jake called back.

Helen entered the kitchen and saw Daria and Jake sitting at the table. Daria had a bowl of cereal in front of her. She looked somber.

"What's wrong?" Helen asked looking at the two.

"Well, uh, Daria here thinks she's, ah, um Duncan," Jake explained, "She thinks she's a boy."

"_I am a boy_," Duncan stated.

Helen looked confused, "Daria, what brought this on today?" she asked.

Duncan looked at his mother confused, "What do you mean? Do I normally have problems or something," he asked worriedly.

"No. I just don't know what to say to this absurdity," Helen said, "You're a normal _girl_," she said firmly.

Duncan looked at Helen. He realized that he wasn't going to get anywhere with these two. To them he was their daughter, Daria; whoever she is.

"Well, let's get to the doctor," Helen said, "It could be a brain thing," she said worriedly.

"No," Duncan said quickly, knowing that nothing was wrong with him and didn't want to waste time with a doctor.

Helen and Jake looked at her curiously.

"Look, mom, dad, I'll be fine. I'm just tired or something. I'm-I'm Daria. I'm sorry to have worried you," Duncan said, cringing internally.

Helen gave Daria a skeptical look. "You spent all this time saying you were a boy, Duncan, and worrying your father and me, and now you want me to believe you're fine now. Just like that," she asked, sounding a little annoyed.

Duncan shrugged, "Uh, yeah?"

"Daria…never mind. Just go to school," Helen said wearily.

"Actually, mom, can I stay home today. Just today," Duncan asked.

Helen considered it, "Fine. Rest and I don't want a replay of this morning," she said sternly.

"Okay," Duncan said and rushed back up to 'his' room.

Quinn was coming out of her room with her backpack.

She looked at Daria. "So, you found your mind yet?" Quinn smirked.

Duncan scrutinized her. "I take it you and I don't get along too well."

"Stop being weird, Daria," Quinn groaned heading downstairs.

Duncan gave her a sad look, "I'll take that as a yes," he said softly and walked into his room.

He sat on the bed and looked around the room. He was a bit confused at its décor.

"This Daria must be insane. This is an asylum not a room," he said missing his room.

His room was painted pastel green and looked normal. Even if his room did look like this, his mother made sure it didn't before they moved it. He did remember though that only his room had been redone.

Maybe now, he knew why. Duncan made a mental note to ask about the room. He really wanted to make sure it wasn't meant for him, but figured it couldn't be since the family let Daria run loose in the house.

He sighed frustrated. He didn't know what to expect from this family. They _seemed _like his, except he, or Daria, and Quinn didn't get along very well. Duncan was going to miss his Quinn.

Duncan was overcome with fear. If he was here, then someone had to have taken his place back home, and most likely, it was this Daria. He groaned.

In his world, there was a girl waking up in his body. He prayed that she wasn't some insane psycho and that she wouldn't kill his family and friends.

* * *

**Daria Morgendorffer**

The alarm startled Daria awake. She shut it off quickly and hid under the covers. It was too dark to be morning.

There was a knock on her door, "Duncan, get up," Helen said.

Daria opened her eyes. "Duncan?" she said groggily.

Daria sat up. The room was still dark. She grabbed her glasses and put them on. She took them off again; surprised at how light and small they felt.

They were wire instead of her thick plastic. She put the glasses on. She could at least see.

Daria looked at the clock and was appalled at the time; it was four-thirty.

"AM?" Daria questioned and was shocked at how deep her voice was.

She got up and turned on the light. She looked at her body.

She was taller and lean. The body looked toned and fit. And male.

"Oh, my god," Daria said and rushed to the bathroom. She almost screamed upon seeing her reflection.

She was looking at a boy; he seemed to be her age. He had short, messy, auburn hair. He almost had the same face as she, but his features were a bit more pointed compared to her round face. It was her, but as a boy.

Daria ran down the stairs to the kitchen. Her mother was drinking coffee looking over some files.

Helen looked up at him. She frowned.

"Duncan, you're not dressed. Hurry up or I can't drive you to practice," Helen said.

"Mom…I'm not…" Daria faltered. She looked like a boy and, obviously here, she was Duncan. There was no point in arguing.

"Dressed. I can see that. Now get your stuff so we can go," Helen pushed.

"Go where? School isn't until eight," Daria asked confused.

Helen looked at him confused, "Football practice, sweetheart."

"FOOTBAll?" Daria exclaimed, "Are you insane? I don't play football, I'm a gir-," she started, but realized she was actually a boy. "Oh, hell," she groaned.

"Honey, are you feeling okay. You know you always have football practice every Monday morning," Helen said, walking over and placing a hand on his forehead.

Daria didn't know what to say. She had no idea of how to play football and, apparently, this body didn't remember either since she felt no familiarity towards the sport.

"Actually, mom, I do feel kind of sick," Daria said and tried to look sick.

"Okay, well, I'll call Coach Wickson and the school," Helen said, "Go back to bed and rest."

"Okay," Daria said and hurried back up to 'her' room.

Daria sat on the bed, trying to figure things out.

"Okay. I was a girl yesterday. I woke up a boy today. What god did I piss off to deserve this?" Daria asked aloud and then laid her head under the pillow.

* * *

Daria had dozed off, but was woken a couple hours later by a knocking on her door.

"Yeah?" Daria called, her voice still deep and she was disappointed that she was still a boy.

The door opened; it was Quinn. Daria was surprised to see her.

"What do you want? It's too early," Daria moaned irritated.

Quinn looked surprised at his comment.

"Mom told me you were sick. I just wanted to see how you were," Quinn said.

Daria looked at her confused. "To see if I was dying, right?" she asked.

"Dunny! Of course not. What's wrong with you?" Quinn asked.

Daria was surprised that Quinn actually sounded hurt.

"Uh…sorry, the sickness or something," Daria apologized awkwardly.

"Oh. Well, I'm going to school now. I just wanted to make sure you aren't that sick. I was just worried because you usually hate to miss practice for any reason," Quinn said, walking over to Duncan.

Daria was surprised when Quinn kissed her cheek.

"I'll get your homework for you and let Jane know what's up," Quinn promised and then gave him a sad look, "And I'm sorry about Sandi. I didn't think she'd treat you like that," she said sincerely.

Daria looked at her puzzled, "Sandi? And since when do you talk to Jane?"

"Dunny. I've always been friends with Jane, ever since you two met," Quinn said looking at Duncan confused, "And sorry about bringing Sandi up. You probably don't talk about her now," Quinn said and rushed form the room, "See you later, Dunny!" she called from down the hall.

Daria was confused about the whole conversation and Quinn's bizarre behavior. "Dunny? Sandi? And _you're_ friends with Jane?" she said, but gave up on thinking about it.

She sat up, not feeling tired anymore.

The sun had fully risen and Daria could now see her room perfectly. It wasn't her room. The padded walls were gone, so was the handrail and her poster of the bones in the sand. The walls were pastel green and bare. Daria got up and walked to the window. The left over bars were completely gone too. It looked like the window had never been barred.

Daria didn't know what to do or think. She was still tired and hoped it was just a very realistic nightmare.

She knew it wasn't though.

Daria sighed and decided that she needed a shower, but was unsure if she wanted to look at this body. She felt a bit embarrassed. It wasn't her body, but she did need to take care of it.

Daria walked over to the closet and looked into it. She was surprised that it was full of clothes. Mostly jeans and different colored T-shirts.

She looked through the clothes, unsure of what to wear. She never had to put together an outfit. She decided on jean shorts and a green shirt. She headed for the bathroom.

"Hey, sport," Jake greeted as he came out of his room.

"Oh, hi, dad," Daria said awkwardly.

"Mom tells me you're not feeling well," Jake said concerned.

"Not really, but I should be fine tomorrow," Daria said.

"That's good. Well, I'm heading to work now, if you need something, just call," Jake said.

"Okay, dad," Daria said.

Jake headed down the hall and Daria went into the bathroom.

She placed her clean clothes on the sink.

Daria felt overwhelmed with anxiety. None of this made any sense and she knew that this wasn't her family. They may look the same, but these people were different. If she was truthful, they seemed _normal_ compared to the family she knew.

She also worried about school; mostly about the people she had to know or might not know. It didn't help that this Duncan was on the football team. She had no idea of how to play and she could only see herself ending up in the hospital or dead. She really didn't want to die in this body, not that she wanted to die in her body either. She really didn't want to deal with this.

Daria turned the water on and let it warm. She started to remove her shirt, and then stopped. She realized that she would be seeing a boy's, naked, body. She never had before and felt uncomfortable.

She sighed resignedly. She knew she had no choice. She needed a shower and she had to clean this body, every part.

Daria removed her glasses and closed her eyes.

She removed her clothes, peeking though squinted eyes, and stepped into the shower. She kept her eyes close, but then it dawned on her. If she was here, replacing a boy, then a boy, Duncan, was replacing her and he would end up bathing her body too.

Daria blushed deeply, "Oh hell," she said and hoped he would at least show her body the same courtesy she was showing his.

She finished her shower with her eyes closed.


End file.
